DrSpeedbump’s
ABYSMAL THOUGHTS
(Really, Really Deep)

If God made man is His own image and likeness,
how come there are so many really ugly people?
If the letters in "George W Bush" are rearranged, they spell “Where Bugs Go”.

How did the Japanese Kamikaze Pilots of WWII successfully complete their training missions?

If you had a cat with a piece of buttered toast strapped to his back, and he fell off the kitchen table ... would he land on his feet or butter-side down?

Don’t be too quick to wipe those little globs of toothpaste off the bathroom sink. Let them dry, then scrape them off with a razor blade and save them for your next dinner party. They make delightful after-dinner mints.

If God made man is His own image and likeness, how come there are so many really stupid people?

Do you suppose all those flies stuck to the fly-paper are screaming Help me ! Help me !"
and that's what attracts other flies? Or are the other flies just incredibly stupid? Regrarless, they deserve some respect, too. We are all creatures of our God and King. You might say "Flies of the Lord".
If they discover that the appendix has a really important function after all, like providing immunity from cancer or acne or something, there’s gonna be one hell of a class-action malpractice suit and all the lawyers will become richer than all the doctors but they still won't be smarter.

Who cleans the classroom floors at the mime college -- a mime-sweeper?
Who gives the lectures?

If you ever dress up like Santa Claus and you’re arriving at the shopping mall in a helicopter, don’t be in a hurry to wave “hello” to the kids.

If God made man is His own image and likeness, how come there are so many dead people? Oh yeah, Adam sinned and the rest of us are taking the fall for him. Does that seem fair?

If Alfred Hitchcock had directed “The Sound of Music”, he probably would have made his cameo as a nun – Due to his heritage and politics, he never would have dressed up like a Nazi and he couldn’t have passed himself off as one of the kids even if he wore liederhosen, which probably don’t come in his size anyway.


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